The thing is, he wasn't kidding. He doesn't want a relationship, and when he finally decides he does, it's usually with someone else. The men I talked to said they had friends who pulled this stunt and did not feel guilty about it. They felt honest when they said they did not want a relationship, and the woman choosing to stay was her decision. A man can be pleasant, charming, and still completely unavailable. That is why words matter more than wishful thinking.

At least three men have told me exactly what you must do when a guy tells you he doesn't want or isn't ready for a relationship: believe him. A certain type of guy will tell a woman he doesn't want a relationship, then keep hanging around and taking what he can get. The woman tells herself he must care more than he admits and that he will change his mind. That hope can feel comforting for a while, but it often keeps her tied to something that is not real.

If you're in this situation, please get out before you get hurt. Make yourself busy and make yourself scarce. Go out with old friends, make new friends, start writing the novel, knitting the sweater, or planting the garden you've been putting off. Give your mind something real to do so you are not waiting around for a man who already told you the truth. The more you build your own life, the less power his silence has over you.

It is much easier to forget a guy when you have others to choose from, because it is hard to move on when you think he was the only one for you. Get out and meet new men. Seriously, hold out for a better man. He's out there, and you deserve him. Do not settle for someone who only wants pieces of you when you are capable of having the whole thing. A better love will not leave you guessing.